Self Love

 

Why self-love is so important?

Have you heard dozens of times that self-love is the way of healing?  You have probably read tons of articles and are still perplexed about what the practical ways to love yourself are?

If so, you will surely get your answer

We always love when others approve of us. We usually connect to people who understand our point of view. And at times when people don’t understand us, we tend to ponder ‘why this happens to me only?’, ‘why can’t people understand me?’

Does this sound like you? Then let’s first understand

What is self-love not

Knowingly or unknowingly, we carry a lot of ‘should list’ from our childhood. I am sure many girls have heard from their parents, grandparents, relatives that ‘’you should know cooking”,” you should be polite and listen to everyone”, “you should not hurt anyone”. Do you resonate with this thought? For parents’, approval a child accepts all these statements, because parents are the ideal for every child and they don’t want their parents to get hurt. And when they make a small mistake they tend to criticize themselves to the extent they tend to abuse themselves in various ways. Due to this, a child develops a ‘perfectionism syndrome’ for the approval of their parents. 

Yes, these teachings are appropriate but need to be said in the right way. Every parents need to learn ‘conscious parenting’ because our life experiences is a mirror of our childhood conditioning, which happens between 0-11years of age.

 As teens or adults you must be thinking about how we can unlearn to breakthrough all of these challenges. Self-love needs to be taught and one must grow the awareness of it. Unfortunately no one taught our parents to love themselves as times were different then. So, we should not blame them for telling us to follow the “Should List” and take full responsibility of loving ourselves these lead me to ponder over why self-love is so crucial.

 What is true self-love?

I have heard that you start loving yourself by just looking into the mirror by saying, I love you to yourself. But, to be honest, sometimes it is difficult to say “I love you” to yourself when you observe a pimple on your face, dark circles under your eyes, and a flabby stomach.

True self-love starts with understanding your authentic self. To get a clear idea, let’s understand the difference between ego v/s self-acceptance.

There is a thin line between self-acceptance and ego. Whether you feel inferior about yourself or superior, it is ego. Ego is a wrong attachment to your identity. Self-acceptance is about having an open mind. It’s all about dropping your fears, unworthiness, your cynicism, and your psychology.

 2 ways to love yourself

Self-love is quite skin-deep. Learn to say ’No’ when you feel so. Learn to be authentic with yourself. Don’t always be a people pleaser, concern less about what they will think if you say no to them. What they think is their business don’t poke your nose into their business.

Learn to maintain healthy boundaries by acknowledging your feelings and emotions. Healthy boundaries are created by respecting yourself and introspecting your core values.

 However, every individual has a different childhood. Getting help from an expert is necessary to peel the layers, like peeling onion layers, to tap into the cause of the issue. An expert can help you to find your authentic self, heal you from the shackles of self-doubts. Self-love can be learnt with guidance.

 Written By

 Niyoci Desai
Mind Transformation Coach